When the parrots meet parrots.

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquires.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responds.

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

A word that start with "R"

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.

"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or '*******'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".

"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.

Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, ****in' Rat!"

ChurpChurp

It's time to vote for the Cutest Thing!!

Churpie wants to thank you cuties out there for the overwhelming response for The Cutest Thing contest!

What's next? The voting, of course! You get to choose who shall be crown The Cutest Thing!

So what are you waiting for? Hurry start voting & get your friends to do the same too!

Share these awesome possum news today! Voting ends on Monday, June 13 2011.


=========================================================

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Get your 1st Android™ powered with 2.3 Gingerbread and only #Playstation™ certified smartphone with #SingTel.

http://www.churpchurp.com/raytan/share/singtel-xperiaplay2

Holding The Baby

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey.

An Unemployed Man

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of high school to hang around with the local toughs. He applies for a janitor’s job at Microsoft and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.”

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers’ market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early everyday and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the wholesale tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him. By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard. Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse which his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage.

The tomato company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars. Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he doesn’t have time to mess with! A computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you’d had all of that five years ago!”

“Ha!” snorts the man. “If I’d had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour.”

Which brings us to the moral: Since you got this story by e-mail, you’re probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I received it too!!!!!!!

**[JokeDiary.com] Joke of the day 13 Aug 10‏

Joke or Not a Joke ?

The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman.

"How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked.

"One," replied the new guy.

"Only one?" said the boss. "How much was the sale?"

The salesman answered, "$58,334."

Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain.

"First I sold a man a fishhook," the salesman said. "Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagen might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department and sold him a big SUV."

The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?"

"No," the new salesman replied. "He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, "Your weekend's shot. You should probably go fishing."




From one_nie

Your Most Hated Enemy Shall Receive Twice

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie.

"As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," said the genie, "But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over."

The man's most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones. "Let's see. My first wish is..." He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, "...to live in a ten story luxury mansion."

The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion.

"Now I want fifty of the most beautiful women imaginable." said the man. There was a puff of smoke and his wish was granted. He was annoyed, however, to see Jones grinning and waving, surrounded by his own harem of 100 women, all twice as attractive.

"What is your final wish, Master?" asked the genie".

"I want to lose a testicle," said the man.



From Morrot.

The Truth

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” -- even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don't say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your FATHER a big hug.”

Mission Outreach Hyderabad, India

Watch this meaningful video =)
Vote the video after watching, Thanks!


http://yep.nyc.sg/atention/video/video-6

Three Kicks

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?”

The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot! Now, it’s my turn!”

The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck!”

Hang out @ The Cathay

OMG LAH! The Cathay is so near my school lo, MDIS, just go cross one road reach liao. Will go over to Wonton Story / Snackz It during break time, because it give 15% discount to MDIS members when buying the Wonton with the choice of rice or noodles. And the famous Crispy Chicken or Oyster Mee Sua really yummy too!

After eating just walk back to class just nice lah, after the lecture end will hang out at The Cathay with my group of friends. Go walk around, many new fashion stuff like T-shirt, Bags and flipflops xD Yeah! Will have some ice cream from Ben & Jerry's and then head towards E2Max@TheCathay to have a battle in Left 4 Dead (2), my friends was so crazy la, keep shouting when the zombies attacks him. LOL xD Oh and there is some machines for catching toys in the outlet too, very cute toy like Mickey Mouse & Pooh.. Try catching a small one using $15, Wahaha very fun and satisfied =D

After 3hours of excitement was so shack >.<" will hop on to Starbucks Coffee to sit down and relax with a cup of Chocolate ice blend, chill ya~ Sometime we will have dinner together @ Astons, wah lao! the queue everytime super long one lah. Need to wait for 30min or up to 1hour de lo, but seriously the food are nice and come with a reasonable price =X

The Cathay is a great place to hang out, so much to shop, so much to eat, so much to play~ hahaha!

Join The Cathay Facebook page (www.facebook.com/thecathay) to get updated with latest promos, events, contests & giveaways!

First month in 2010

WOOooooHh! so fast 1 month gonna over. Been really very busy with so many things, see so much of hopes and better further. Good things are coming towards me. Wish everybody have a Great start in the year too =)

2010 Feb 14 is a Great date, Valentine's Day & Lunar New Year. Double WOW!~ Just go ahead and do whatever you wanna do. Wish everyboday Xin Xiang Shi Cheng!

December Fever

Me & Baby left our wet foot print @ Vivo =p

19 Dec, went AMK Hub to watch SNOW =D

~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~
~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~'-'~
WooHOO! It's Holidays for me ^^x
Currently Not working, will rest until Jan 2010 =P

Enjoying x'MAS, and 27, 28 & 29 going Thailand with Baby^^ & family,
and going to welcome 2010!

It's going to be Party, party and party~ on this Dec 2009!

21 Dec having gathering with MDIS classmates =)

Hope I will have more time to update blog =X

**
Btw Im clearing stock @ http://anyhowbuy.blogspot.com/ (Price reduced)
And take a look at my friend collection @ http://toylandic.blogspot.com/

HOHO! Wish everybody the best in this festive season ^^

New hair cut

Sat noon time then wake up, had lunch and then slack awhile with Baby. Feel so restless on my off day, I never had enough sleep. We still carry out with our plan, but everything were push to a later time. I had my hair cut appointment at 6pm, after the wash, blow, dye, treatment & cut was already 8pm+

My ke lian Baby was with me, sitting there and watch me =X after the cut, Chris and his assistance drive us to Suntec Ichiban to have our dinner, maybe I am really hungry.. and eat quite fast and then get full easily.

Den Chris send us back to Cineleisure, because we watching 11.25pm movie, Poker King. A Cathay friend, Zee, pass me 2 tickets and a Hurt Locker's water bottle for free. Woo

Let's see my before and after looks =D

Plans my weekend off.

Coming Sat & Sun are my off days ^^ Sat noon will go look for a new friend, Chris, he is a hair stylelist & Makeup Artisie. Going to let him to help me on my hair cut.
Will take pic and post it here after the cut. =)

After that will go for Movie with Baby ^^ and then will go to her relative house as usual. A gathering where my Baby can get to see her dearest Niece & Nephew. And sometime will have a few round of Mahjong with the adults =D
Will be staying there for a night, Sun noon will get back to Baby's house. Slack and rest, after dinner will go for a night swim with Baby^^

Oct 07, 2009 Latest News

[Super Typhoon Parma, the strongest storm on the planet, is at 222km/ph and will hit Philippones around midnight today. Strong winds will hit us here too. Please take necessary precaution and don't be in the streets if not necessary. Stay in and inform all your loved onces and friends.]

Source: CNN

Thousands of Filipinos who live near coastlines and mountainous areas were evacuated Friday as the storm-battered country braced for Typhoon Parma, which is expected to make landfall Saturday.

Filipino children reach for handouts at a flood evacuation center near the capital Manila, September 30

1 of 2 more photos » Parma, known locally as Typhoon Pepeng, comes on the heels of a weekend storm that killed hundreds in the Philippines and left most of Manila under water.

President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo placed the country "under the state of calamity" in preparation for Parma's landfall. She ordered evacuations as a precautionary measure against floods and landslides, and asked weather officials to issue an hourly update. She also urged local governments to implement forced evacuations if need be.

The order focuses on Camarines Norte, Aurora, northern Quezon, Polillo Island, Isabela and Cagayan.

Thousands have been evacuated in Isabela and rescue crews have a "standing order to use force if necessary" to move adults and children, said Paul Fernandez, who is overseeing disaster relief in Isabela. The government is providing the province with relief funds, he said.

Evacuees are being taken to schools and warehouses on higher ground, he said.
Macapagal-Arroyo said disaster-relief crews in vulnerable areas must be equipped with life-saving kits, boats, portable generators and trucks.

Parma had maximum sustained winds of 138 mph (222 km/hr), said Jennifer Delgado, CNN meteorologist. It is likely to move slow with torrential rainfall and strong winds, she said.
Within the next 24 hours, Parma could develop into a super typhoon, the Philippines weather bureau said.

The typhoon tipped back and forth between typhoon and super typhoon status Thursday. Meteorologists consider a super typhoon to be one with sustained winds of about 150 mph (241 km/hr). It is expected to bring heavy rainfall and major property damage to the Philippines on Saturday, Delgado said.

"Landslides and mudslides are a great possibility," she said. The five-day tracking map shows the storm south of Taiwan on Monday.

Tropical Storm Ketsana, which swallowed whole houses and buses over the weekend, killed 246 in the Philippines. It later strengthened into a typhoon. An additional 38 are missing, the National Disaster Coordinating Council said.

The storm affected nearly 2 million people and forced the evacuation of 567,000.
At one point, 80 percent of the capital, Manila, was under water after experiencing the heaviest rainfall in 40 years. The storm also killed at least 74 people in Vietnam and nine in Cambodia

Electricity tariffs for households to go up by 12.5% in Q4

SINGAPORE : For the quarter starting in October, electricity tariffs for households will go up by 12.5 per cent or 2.41 cents to 21.69 cents per kilowatt-hour.

SP Services said the increase is due largely to significantly higher fuel oil prices over the last three months, which rose by about 21 per cent to S$92.03 per barrel.

The company added that this brings the fuel oil price to around the level in the first quarter of this year.

This is the second quarter tariffs have gone up, after they dipped in the first two quarters of this year.

In July, tariffs went up by 7 per cent.

Starting from July, the Energy Market Authority has used a new formula for calculating tariffs - taking the average price of oil in the three months of the previous quarter, instead of the first month of the previous quarter.

Source: Channelnewasia.com

My NEW Desktop's background

It just start with a Black background... then it goes on and on.








And TaTarahhh~ ^^

It is Ray's Birthday~

[[ Photos Looted ]] xD~










LOL! 14/09/2009

Wake up in the noon 1pm. So Happy to receive wishes from friends using sms.

Went to IMM to have Pepper Lunch with Baby, had a great time enjoying the food and take our time to walk around the shopping mall, and bought some fun stuff, also some cracker from Giant which can munch when on the way to Genting.

My Baby accompany me for the whole day wor, hahas. Was so tired after walking so much =X we seat down and have a bowl of dessert. So sweet & nice sharing it with Baby.

After that we went to Westmall and meet up my friends for my Birthday dinner. We had Pastamenia and they got a cake from Bangawasolo as for my Birthday ^^x HOHO Thanks Joey, Jane, Caroline, Agnes & Sky for taking up their time for the gathering.

-[Stephen unable to join as he have to take care his nephew, but he & Johnny did came to Cenileisure on last Sat to accompany for dinner and wishes me in advance. Thanks so much for the effort.]

After having the yummy & creamy cake =D~ we took the group photos. Then Joey, Jane & Caroline got to go off first as they have school & works on the next day.
So the rest of us went up to the arcade, Time Zone, to kill time. Wow I got a Purple Care bear from the Toy Catcher using $1. LOL I'm happily jumping when I caught it xD and then I played Bomber Man for more than half an hour using 50c =.= my Baby, Sky & Agnes was looking at me, and thinking how can I possible to play so long using 1 credit. Hahas

Everybody was so tired after a long day of works & studies, yet they came for the gathering. Thanks again! =D Will Grab! the group photos after Jane had upload onto Her's Facebook or blog, and then post it Here =X

After arcade everybody went home, and I got back to Baby's house, we pack our stuff for next day Genting's trip. And I login to my Facebook.. Wow am surprise to see so many peoples had wished me. THANKS EVERYBODY!!

Launch of SHMCGlobal.com & Singapore Training Center

Dear SHMC Friends!

It's with great excitement that I bring to you our latest developments for SHMC!

We are only 6 months young and we have already accomplished much more than what most companies take years to accomplish!

1) Launch of www.SHMCGlobal.com Global Corporate Website:

Now all of our members, your friends, your prospects see the future vision of SHMC, our mission statement, our future plans, latest news etc. Check it out now at,

http://www.shmcglobal.com

2) Twice Weekly Member Trainings In Our New Singapore Training Office:

Yes, now we will actually handhold you step by step and make sure that you will succeed with SHMC , so long as you are willing to attend our 2x's a week member's only training at our new Singapore office at Henderson Road, near Tiong Bahru.

Our qualified trainers in Singapore will guide you personally and help you achieve true success online with SHMC!

Register online in your member's area under "Training", "Live Training" for your 100% free live training support now!

Every Tuesday and Thursday, 7pm to 9pm.
Contact Mr Stephen Kok: (+65)-9748-1063 for registration information.

To Your Internet Home Business Success!
Ray Tan